So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
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