New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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