her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
