I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
