I think my fart just growled at me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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