I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
