Got a toothbrush?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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