do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pants are for mortals
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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