Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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