Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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