i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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