bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
