just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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