Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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