dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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