well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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