my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
