Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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