Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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