He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
