I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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