Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
