my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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