I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
