I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
and she was petting her beer can
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
