True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
