your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
