Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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