Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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