I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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