Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
