Got a toothbrush?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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