i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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