Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
