I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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