If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
