Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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