now i know why i became what i already was.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize