I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
