i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
