well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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