I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
