What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
honey bunches of taint.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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