would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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