So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
