Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is wine microwaveable?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my poor anus
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
