Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
