He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize