hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
