Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
