please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
