Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
