remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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