I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
