I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
did you just send me my own nude
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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