The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
