oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
