She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize