That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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