haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
and she was petting her beer can
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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