Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
