It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
please come you make the beer taste better
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize