And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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