Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
