Plan B is the new Plan A
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
