Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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