i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
