Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
