well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
All the doctor said was why
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
