were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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