More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
