I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
