I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
