So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have demons in me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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