nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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