Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I love you. Go after that dick
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize