I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
