Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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