I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
