at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
