Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize