just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
