I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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