I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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