i would punch a child for taco bell
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
