Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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