You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
