After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
