i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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