this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize