Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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