the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize