oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize