i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
