If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
