I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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