What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
