Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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