She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
