She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
