I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
