How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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