i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
