i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Blood and glitter go together right?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize